tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56361069827065559462024-03-07T21:49:48.462-08:00Jennifer Gooch HummerAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15729427447630732624noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5636106982706555946.post-60562985453008952632011-12-16T14:31:00.000-08:002011-12-16T14:31:11.347-08:00Milk Face<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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At the 4<sup>th</sup> grade Holiday
performance this morning, my daughter was by far the best whistler. I’m
bragging. Which isn’t like me. But there’s a reason why: by being the best
whistler, my 4<sup>th</sup> grader effectively <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">blew away</i> the small rather arrogant boy standing near her who
frequently calls her “milk face.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We are pale people. We don’t tan,
and if we are even partly naked in the sun we tend to blind people with our
reflection. My 4<sup>th</sup> grade daughter also happens to be a platinum
(natural – no toddler tiara funny business here) blonde. So you can probably
conclude where the name “milk face” came from. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
When my milk face daughter told me
of the boy’s name-calling, I hugged her tight and told her what every good
parent does – that Mr silent pursed-lipped faker face is really short so he’s
definitely going to grow up angry. (She hasn’t studied the French Revolution
yet so I skipped the most obvious reference for his condition.) Then I pushed
her away, ran to my desk and scribbled “Milk Face!” on the back of an old AT
&T bill. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I did the same thing with “Caption
Obvious.” This time the name was hurled at me by my 14 year-old daughter. I had
done about as much to deserve this as good ole Milk Face had done to deserve
her verbal abuse: nothing. I’d merely pointed out that Miss 14 year-old sassy
pants had better study for her European History test instead of watching <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Glee</i>. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Duh. Thank you Caption Obvious.</i>” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I know I should have taken her
phone away, or made her clean up the dog poop in the yard, but instead I waved
her away, ran to my desk and scribbled down “Caption Obvious!” on the back of a mortgage statement. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Good dialogue is precious. The kind
that you can’t-no-way-not-a-chance-make-up on your own supersedes all
comforting and punishing. I mean <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">milk
face</i>? How good is that. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Which leads me to conclude that
writers are bad parents. At least fiction writers. We have to make stuff up,
and it’s hard. Like trying to bend a spoon with your mind hard. We need all the
help we can get and if that means abusive, disrespectful name-calling, then
fine. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Bring it on, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Shawty</i>.</div>
<!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15729427447630732624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5636106982706555946.post-45755147054003561292011-08-27T16:26:00.000-07:002011-08-27T20:41:48.486-07:00Sailing To Heck<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves>false</w:TrackMoves> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridHorizontalSpacing> <w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing>18 pt</w:DrawingGridVerticalSpacing> <w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayHorizontalDrawingGridEvery> <w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery>0</w:DisplayVerticalDrawingGridEvery> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:DontAutofitConstrainedTables/> <w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/> </w:Compatibility> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" LatentStyleCount="276"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 10]> <style>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Feng Shui can hijack your life. It happened to me. So I wrote a novel about it.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">My character becomes addicted to the ancient Chinese rules of direction and placement, which causes a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">lot</i> of problems. She can’t use her front door for one thing (unlucky direction). A whole lot of freaky remedies follow suit, but I swear on my grandmother, Gunnie’s, life, they’re all true. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">I’d love nothing more than to let you in on some of these remedies, except then I’d be risking my fingers. You’re not supposed to give The Secrets away. You’re supposed to take a class. And Feng Shui Masters don’t fool around. They know all too well that I need my fingers to finish my book. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Happily, however, there are times when Feng Shui can be just a case of good old common sense. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Consider <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sailing to Heck</i>.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">A few years ago, my husband was sent to Spain so we packed up the three small daughters, pre-paid our Verizon bill and left sunny CA.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Picture a quaint countryside; toothless old ladies selling fruit at every corner, cobblestone streets echoing the click-clack of hooves, miles of rolling green vineyards – picture <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this</i>, and you won’t be envisioning where we were. Where <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">we</i> were was in an industrial town built around its port. Busy, dirty and thriving - but not quaint. No Spanish, no childcare, no schooling, no car, and not even (as it turned out) much time with aforementioned spouse; that’s the real picture. Plus it was approximately twelve thousand degrees every day, and dinner, in Spain, is served at 10pm. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Maybe you’re a parent and just reading this makes your stomach feel as if a small bowling ball has been dropped in it. Or maybe you’re not a parent, never want to be a parent, and feel nothing at <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">all</i> at the thought of being on house arrest in a foreign country with a couple of elementary school students and someone who’s witnessed less that four orbits around the Sun.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Either way, the point I’m making here is that our home base was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ultra</i> important. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Back to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sailing to Heck</i>.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">It’s a picture. Make that a painting. The sole piece of art in our flat. It was, as far as we could tell, an image of a tiny, dark, defeated sailboat heading straight into an endless, black eternity. Like a big black “Dementer” waiting to suck your breath out, this painting was in fact more than a painting – it was a black hole in the wall. Big enough to fall through. Or jump into. Or stare at, and stare at, and stare at, until really, what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">was</i> life worth living for? Sailing into the deep dark underworld of Heck seemed to be the only option.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">This is not good Feng Shui. Unless you’re a Vampire or a Spoken Word Artist, this type of décor - especially if it is your <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">only</i> décor - is not inspiring. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Time for some Feng Shui. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">I have never defaced a work of art in my life. I don’t even walk on chalk. But when you take into account Spanish Scrabble things change. Even the endearing name we gave the painting lost its luster. Something had to be done. Taking it down and stowing it behind the burgundy pleather couch was an option - but what if it was damaged, dusted or worse? We had already broken a lamp, one glass and four plates (we had to keep track). No. We needed to remedy, not remove.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">It was simple enough. #1 daughter used her brightest crayons to create a new happier boat, flag and all, which we taped <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">gently</i> onto the canvas. I explained that one <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never </i>does this to artwork. Leaving a sticky note on Monet’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Haystacks</i> for instance, would get you arrested. But here, in our mental ward white apartment roughly the size of my thumbnail, a little tape was a lifesaver.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">The painting was still black and the boat was still sailing into it, but maybe the people on board didn’t mind so much now. One could imagine their cheery, expectant faces as they sailed off into the untold waters. And lo and behold, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">we </i>became cheerier too. In fact, we were even giggling again - every time we looked at our newly renovated painting. Siesta passed faster, the scrabble words came easier and our <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">casa</i> sweet <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">casa</i> became a bit less, well, black hole-<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ish</i>. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">This is a Feng Shui remedy. A few crayons and some tape. Even a Stick ‘Em can work. Feng Shui is supposed to make your space cheerier. And your space is a reflection of you. Sometimes we get so complacent, busy, stressed out, we don’t notice that our surroundings no longer (if they ever did) reflect who we are and where we want to go. I bet most of us aren’t hoping to dock in Heck anytime soon. But if we’re not careful, our surroundings might be navigating us there - slowly, silently, efficiently. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Try this: move 27 things in your home. Switch photos around on the shelves, remove a few books from your desk, slide your wastebasket to the other side of the room, maybe even place a half-filled red vase in the South West corner of your bedroom to attract love (<i>please</i>, just take the pinky).</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">Then sit back and note the new air. It could be subtle - a small breeze barely detectable bringing in a tiny change, or it could be a huge gust delivering a new opportunity, a stroke of good luck or a new friend. Try it. What the heck. </span><!--EndFragment--> </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15729427447630732624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5636106982706555946.post-22412320053657214132009-11-05T21:52:00.000-08:002009-11-05T22:51:57.184-08:00Arugulas get in or not? Why you should take that ride with your Scorpio man.<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Scorpio October 23 –November 22<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Ruled by Pluto </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Let’s start with this little tidbit: after mating, the female Scorpion kills the male. </p><p class="MsoNormal">We bring this up only to illustrate that like their reptile symbol, a Scorpio can also be, ah, let’s call it, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">passionate.</i> The more intense the situation, the more alive they feel. Scorpios love to wear black and the younger set will often go Goth and read YA novels about vampires and pirates. Little wonder their birthdays fall around Halloween. If this sounds like someone you know (or are raising), we suggest you pick your battles. Scorpios keep their private life private and are willing to go to the extreme to keep it this way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Because they can cause sharp emotional wounds, Scorpios can either destroy or inspire. If you have a Scorpio lover tread carefully and don’t ever betray him. It's probably a good idea to keep some dark chocolate or a handful of arugulas around too. Both of these will do wonders to sedate him. Your courageous feeding act will not go unrewarded. Scorpios are demanding but loyal, and they might even take you along for the ride if you’re equally committed – or have a great car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You might say that Scorpios are the volcanoes of the human landscape. Explosive and creative, magnificent and mysterious. And for all you Scorpios who are reading this and know where I live… I like you, I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">really really</i> like you. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Your Scorpion man</b> will put you through the test, but if you play along (and pass) he will be forever yours. Some Scorpio men will join a heavy metal band, others will choose to become a Navy Seal or a surgeon. Whatever their passion,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>“Extreme Courage” is their middle name. These men appreciate a great leather jacket and a Casablanca poster. They also love a great cigar. Be careful that the Scorpion man does not see you as prey, because no one stands a chance against those pinchers. And don’t be surprised if he keeps a harem of women around him, Scorpion men need to be worshiped. So if you don’t like it, well he probably won’t like you.</p><p class="MsoNormal"> After he’s hit rock bottom – which Scorpions tend to do in any and all things – he will shed his skin and rise again as the Pheonix. If you still want him, this is a good time to put on your highest heels (Scorpion men love heels) and pounce. Oh. And there is one sure-fire way to lure the Scorpion man into your chambers (and because we like you so much we’ll tell you): Reggae. The rasta vibration is the Scorpion man’s escape and turns him to mush. Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio are both examples of the mysterious Scorpion man. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Gorgeous tips for the Scorpio Woman.</b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Enough is never enough for you, and you will pinch and destroy until you get what you want. Your lover, however, must never show signs of weakness (see first sentence) regardless of the fear sent coursing through his veins at your very touch. This same dichotomy lies in your style. You are the extremist. You should probably have two closets. One for your garter belts and velvet trench coats, and the other for your white yogananda robes. Whichever side of the spectrum you’re wearing today, however, you’re probably still in those heels.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Unlike the rest of the zodiac, a Scorpio has little need to strive for balance. It won't happen. Better to just figure out which side of the law you’re on today and wear it. This way, you stay happy and everyone around you stays alive. Jewelry is a staple and the bigger the bling the smaller your sting. Sharp angles and bold lines reflect your dangerous (okay fine, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">courageous</i>) outlook on life. You might sport a tattoo or two, and it’s a rare Scorpio woman who doesn’t have at least her ears pierced (no need to elaborate, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Please.). Whoopi Goldberg, Demi Moore and Meg Ryan are amongst the most famous of you. </p><p class="MsoNormal">and ps. I like you.</p> <!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15729427447630732624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5636106982706555946.post-16105077710009041322009-11-05T21:14:00.000-08:002009-11-05T21:32:43.200-08:00why stripes and plaids scare your Libra man and you love hats<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Libra September 23-October 23</b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Ruled by Venus</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Libras coined the phrase, “Let me think about it.” They’re not procrastinating <i>exactly</i>, they’re just weighing their options. And weighing and weighing…. This is a balanced sign – their symbol is, after all, the Scales and they can be counted on for an unbiased opinion. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Wearing stripes with plaids isn’t creative to these people, it’s disconcerting. A Libra is interested in fairness and justice, and won’t be afraid to seek out either. Your Libra co-worker might make it a personal mission to negotiate fairer wages or better benefits. And your Libra sibling certainly won’t let you get away with a bigger slice of the pie, both those you eat and those you inherit. If you want a snappy answer, don’t go to a Libra (go find a Gemini – you’ll have a fifty percent chance he’s at home, and a fifty percent chance he’s telling you the truth). </p> <p class="MsoNormal">You probably won’t meet <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">your Libra man</b> at a Linkin Park concert – unless he’s the band’s lawyer. Jimmy Carter and Mahatma Ghandi embody the careful, considerate characteristics of a man of this sign. These men like beautiful women - inside and out - and balanced environments are his natural resting place. He will have been drawn to your perfect features (yes, you have them), so don’t go all <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">insecure</i> on him now. This will only give him time to contemplate those features – and pores – some more, and really, where’s the good in that? When a Libra man gives you a complement, just take it - he’s already thought about it long and hard anyway. The best gift you can give your Libra man (right behind a vest –which is for some reason his most cherished article of clothing) is peace, so he’s either the least demanding man on the planet, or the most, depending on your number of children/friends in bands/drums.</p><p class="MsoNormal">John Lennon was a Libra, so was Christopher Reeve. The Boss himself, Bruce Springsteen, is another fine Libra. It’s safe to say that your Libra man will be fair in whatever partnership he enters into, which means he just might be marriage material (as long as you keep it plaid on plaid).</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">Gorgeous Tips for the Libra woman<o:p></o:p></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Just because you yearn for partnership, doesn’t mean you’ll be barefoot and pregnant any time soon - at least without a proper pedicure. Although you make for the most gracious hostess, you will deliberate for days about what to serve. You are an impeccable dresser and your closet is full of haute couture and hats (your version of the vest). It’s lights on skirts, though. Libra women prefer the straight lines and clean cuts of pants. Your style is a perfect blend of masculine and feminine and whether you admit it or not, there’s a bit of the vain in you (but the good kind). Apple and ginger are two of your favorite scents, and greens and blues always make you feel in charge. You keep company right alongside some of the greatest beauties in the world; Brigitte Bardot, Gwyneth Paltrow and Catherine Deneuve to name a few. </p> <!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15729427447630732624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5636106982706555946.post-21569872058765330492009-09-04T23:03:00.000-07:002009-09-04T23:32:07.720-07:00The Kitchen Witch and why your Virgo man should fold the laundry<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Virgo August 23 – September 23<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Ruler is Mercury</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Order is a Virgo’s middle name. These people aren’t soakers - they’ll scrub as long as it takes to get the job done. Cool, calm and collected, a Virgo would rather <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">do</i> than dream. This doesn’t mean that a Virgo isn’t imaginative. Quite the contrary. Their symbol is the Virgin; fertile and promising. Virgos are eager to work, especially if it involves the organizing, rearranging or folding of people, companies or countries.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">A Virgo person is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">busy</i>. With so many ingredients to read and so much clutter to clean, their quest for exactness in the world can be frustrating. Idle time is about as appealing as a sharp stick in the eye for this group. But quiet time for expanding inner space is the remedy they need to calm their nerves. Your Virgo friend won’t like waiting in line for your favorite yoga class, but insist that she come anyway because this kind of spiritual connection will ease much of her anxiety. (And <i>then </i>she can go home and put her cereal boxes in alphabetical order.)</p> <p class="MsoNormal">On the outside, Virgos seem about as easy going as the Secret Service at an Inauguration. But give them time to assess (and count and reconfigure), and you’ll most likely uncover a shy charm behind their aviator sunglasses. Remember, they can't help the fact that they can't go to bed until their underwear is ironed. What if their pants blow off from a faulty seam while standing too close to the tracks just as the express train goes by? These things <i>happen.</i> And the Virgo knows it.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Let’s put it this way: if they were a toy, they’d be a worry doll. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Loyal and grounded, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">your Virgo man</b> will open his heart once he’s measured the situation. But don’t play mind games with him. He doesn’t have time for that – not when there are so many gadgets to take apart and put back together again. His tailor is one of his saviors – a starched shirt and crisp suit will make his heart sing. And because the Virgo is a fixed Earth sign, browns and greens should be the first choice for his gift. Have you noticed that the Christmas tree is one of his favorite things in all the world? Why, you ask. Because controlling everything can be exhausting, but he’s no match for Mother Nature – and he’s smart enough to know it. So let him sneak out to his garden or sip green tea when his mood gets too hot. Sean Connery, Oliver Stone and Richard Gere are all Virgos. We’d bet the bank you’ll find hand sanitizer on them. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Gorgeous tips for the Virgo Woman</b>. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">If you don’t have a Kitchen Witch hanging in your kitchen already, well then, a) you’ve lost it or b) someone’s stolen it. Because you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">are</i> the kitchen witches of the Zodiac. Herbs and tonics are your backyard (they’re growing in there too), which means you know exactly what to do to keep your skin glowing and your hair growing. We don’t mean to suggest that you’re the kind of girl who skips on shaving – you’d definitely rather see the forest <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">in</i> the trees, than on your legs, but you are one earthly chick. Deep rich browns and greens are your compatible colors. You’re impeccably dressed and always look ready to take on the world -<i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal"> under</i> your fuzzy sweater, of course. Good texture and soft knits are your vice. But your jewelry is usually of fine lines and structure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You may be slow to give your heart over to a romantic partner, but that partner probably wont get sick very often – not with your homemade remedies and tenacious care-giving. Because snuggled up in a cashmere wrap, there’s simply no stopping you. </p> <!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15729427447630732624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5636106982706555946.post-23679002335599308972009-07-21T18:45:00.000-07:002009-07-21T18:57:58.786-07:00Long live the Leo-tard and why your Lion man needs to roar<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Leo July 22- August 23<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Ruled by the Sun. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Bottled sunshine, this is the Leo. In fact their ruling moon <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">is</i> the sun. That’s why your little Leo brother gets away with everything – not because he’s the favorite, but because his shine is bright enough to temporarily blind your parents, and well, just about anyone else. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">If they were a candy, they’d be a lemon drop.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Leos tend to live in castles and drive Rolls-Royces. Or at least act like they do, or will, or might. Their confidence can be intimidating. But here’s the reason you want one as your best friend, main squeeze or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">gulp, </i>sibling: they’d like nothing more than to take you along for the ride. The Sun brightens every planet in our solar system and like it or not, so do these Lions. Leos don’t just ask you to join in, they grab your hand and start pulling. The only thing that makes a Leo shine brighter is to have your cheery smile standing next to them - <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">unless </i>you humiliate them in public, in which case you better run while you still can. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Your Leo Leading Man</b> will spare no expense to make you happy. Just be sure to flatter him along the way, without <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">ever</i> undermining him. There’s only one ruler in his den. Tend to his every need and you will forever be his queen. You will also discover that under all that mane, the Lion can be as shy as a lamb. They can also be funny (Steve Carell), and short (Napoleon). And it’s a safe bet that they’re some kind of leader (Barack Obama, Arnold Schwarzenegger). A Leo man is as romantic as he is influential and the last thing he wants is an indifferent woman. But always remember, a Lion needs to roar once in a while. So let him. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Gorgeous tips for the Leo woman</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Lights, camera, action</i>! This is the Leo girl’s mantra. These women emanate elegance and their style can be infectious (Coco Chanel), even if they are painfully shy about it (Jacqueline Kennedy). They’ve also been known to singlehandedly keep the unitard alive (Madonna). As a Leo woman, you can pull off just about any look you want – as long as it’s elegant. Tiaras and furs (hopefully of the synthetic kind) fill your closet – and you are the rare woman who never sees them collect dust! When you were a little Leo, your favorite play-date was probably dress up – and frankly not much as changed. But you don’t just beautify yourself, you’ll bling-up your bff, family dog, or even, yes, your pesky little brother. </p> <!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15729427447630732624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5636106982706555946.post-78655451043297421922009-06-21T14:15:00.000-07:002009-06-21T14:44:08.554-07:00Gorgeous tips for the Cancer woman and why your crab man likes to cook<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Cancer <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>June 21- July 22<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Ruled by the Moon</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Crabs have no backbone. They do, however, have claws - ones that will pinch the life out of their prey. And this too, describes the Cancer. Confrontation isn’t their strong suit<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>- <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">unless </i>they, or someone they love, is in danger. Then, just like the crab, they’ll charge at you full speed sideways. And once a Cancer gets her claws on you, watch out - there <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">ain’t nuthin’</i> gonna’ to get her off. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Cancers, like their ruling Moon, reflect those around them. These people need to be exceptionally mindful of who they spend time with. Fortunately, Cancers are also the most intuitive sign of the Zodiac. They are hardwired to read minds. As long as they listen to their gut, they’ll know exactly who is trustworthy, and who is not. Those of you without claws be forewarned - you can't lie to this group. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">You can, however, hurt their feelings. Home is where their heart is and Cancers like to spend as much time there as possible. If you do happen to upset a Cancer, it’s best to leave a white peony on her doorstep and retreat. She’ll come out of her shell eventually and most likely forgive you (as long as you’re sincere –remember, she can tell). But watch what you feed these crabs. Cancers’ stomachs are as sensitive as their souls. Yes, this sign might come with some rules, but if you can weather their many moods, a Cancer in your corner will be the warmest part of your house. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Your Cancer man</b> is a great cook – that’s why he’s always inviting you to dine at his house (no, it’s not because he’s cheap!). He may take his time deciding if you’re the one – but once you’ve been pinched he’ll have to be pried off of you. If this bothers you, there are plenty of other fish in the sea (like a Pisces, who’ll give you all the space you need!) But if you’re ready to be cherished, the crab is your man. It’s possible your Crab man is an artist (Rubens), novelist (Ernest Hemmingway), musician (Cat Stevens) or crazy (Robin Williams - we’re just kidding here. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Never </i>name-call a Cancer, he’s not apt to forget - or forgive). He may also be very peaceful (Nelson Mandela. The 14<sup>th</sup> Dalai Lama.) Or very bossy (Julius Caesar). </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Gorgeous tips for the Cancer woman</b> </p> <p class="MsoNormal">As hard as her shell is, the crab woman is really all goopy inside. So while you undoubtedly like to layer – what you wear underneath should be soft and sensual. Your curves are your best feature - regardless of their size (Pamela Anderson is a crab), so never fear the belt! Fluid lines and flowing dresses – styles that move like water - will make you feel right at home. Choosing delicate accessories over large dramatic ones will keep your style light and free - unless it’s a diamond, in which case flaunt requirement is mandatory. Keep the rest of the jewelry to a minimum, however. If you put three accessories on, take two off. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">And hey! Just because you’re motherly doesn’t mean you have to look <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">matronly</i>. Ever heard of the MILF? They’re talking about you, mamma crab! Whites and pastels are a good reflection of your ruling moon. If you must wear chakra-blocking black, try picking a shimmering fabric or one with sequins. With so much nurture in your nature, covering up your heart chakra with black is, well, kind of a bummer for the rest of us. A cancer woman can make the world a nicer place just by the power of her compassion alone. Princess Diana. Mary Magdalene. Marianne Williamson. Need we go on? And remember, a Cancer woman is never afraid to show off her feminine side because she knows <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">that </span>is where her true power lies.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15729427447630732624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5636106982706555946.post-87248126831990223642009-05-26T20:30:00.000-07:002009-05-26T20:36:41.053-07:00Gorgeous tips for the Gemini Woman<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Gemini May 21- June 21<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Ruled by Mercury</p> <p class="MsoNormal">The twins. These people love a good practical joke. And being a double personality, it’s not all that hard for them to pull one off. Thanks to their Air element, the Gemini can move like the wind - disappearing and reappearing in the blink of an eye as a different person altogether. Needless to say, things can get a little confusing with these guys, so please don’t set your little sister up on a blind date with one. </p> <p class="MsoNormal">It’s not entirely their fault. Gemini’s planetary ruler is Mercury and as any good Astronomy major knows (because we had to ask one), half the planet is dark while the other half reflects the sun. Your Gemini friend will be the one calling at 2 am to see if you want to go bungy jumping with her. Right now. In South Africa. Problem is, even if you’re known to settle down on a Saturday night with a good Thesaurus – you’ll be tempted to go. Gemini’s excitement is infectious. These people are the original multi-taskers. (By the way, never drive while In<i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">text</i>acated. That is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">so</i> 2008). </p> <p class="MsoNormal">If Gemini’s were a flavor, they’d be Peppermint. If they were an animal, they’d be a bird. If they were a Musical note, they would be E. If they were the darkest, most tattooed actress in Hollywood, they’d be Angelina Jolie. And if they were the most reserved mother hen actress in Hollywood, they’d be Angelina Jolie. Need we say more?</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Your Gemini man</b> is a chameleon. One night he’s Dr. Jekyll and the next he’s Mr. Hyde. Usually not indicative of a psychotic disorder (we can’t really say though, until we’ve met him), this is instead his core identity. Sound confusing? So’s he. One things for sure though, he loves to be the center of attention, half the time. Ever heard of Donald Trump or Paul McCartney? The Gemini man can’t remember how old he is. And who can blame him? One day he’s windsurfing the panama and the next he’s tucked into his lazyboy absorbed in the Sunday crossword puzzle. Don’t try to figure him out. Predicting what he’ll do next is nothing short of emasculating to this man. If you want to keep things going smoothly, you’ll need to have your bags packed and your calendar full at the same time. If you’re looking to break up with the Gemini man, start nagging –over anything and everything. That’s sure to send him running for the hills – where he’ll catch a copter for Tahiti. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Gorgeous Tips for the Gemini Woman</b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Half of you live to be the life of the party, and the other half prefers to stay home in your fuzzy socks - so dress like it! The gorgeous Gemini woman embraces a fashion dichotomy. Tailored pants with a glitzy halter top, miniskirt with your grandmother’s oversized turtleneck – your style should be anything that is, well, two styles rolled into one. Half of you might shimmer while the other half itches. One ear might sport a hoop and the other a dangle (ok, we’ve never seen this before but you could always start the fad). In order for you to feel complete, you must contrast. If you’re brave enough to pull off an asymmetrical hairstyle… go for it. Just remember, if you adhere to the regular rules, well, then you’ve wasted a good birth date. And send pics!</p> <!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15729427447630732624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5636106982706555946.post-52049872749921148852009-04-21T12:59:00.000-07:002009-04-21T13:10:22.173-07:00Gorgeous tips for the Taurus woman-and how to take care of your Bull-ish man.<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Taurus <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>April 20 – May 21<o:p></o:p></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Ruled by Venus </p> <p class="MsoNormal">Peaceful until provoked. This is the Bull. Give him room to graze, and he’ll let you live. Bother him, and he’ll charge after you full-boar, especially if it’s raining. Ruled by Venus, which strongly reflects the Sun, Taurus people don’t just like to shine, they like to be shined <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">on</i>. Bad moods disappear or at least dissipate once you get a Taurus in the sun (cue the sunscreen!). </p> <p class="MsoNormal">These people love the finer things in life. Art, music, and anything else that spells beautiful, will make a Taurus happy. If you befriend a Taurus, she’ll be your amiga for life. Patient and sensual - and particularly drawn to touch - Taurus make for great lovers. Taurus women relish in their femininity and Taurus men relish in this type of woman. These people also talk a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">lot.</i> If they were a body part, they’d be the throat. Shirley MacLaine is a Taurus. Ditto Shakespeare and George Clooney.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal">Your Taurus man</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">must</i> wear the pants in the family. He doesn’t mean to be sexist, it’s just that he is the ruler of his Empire. These bulls work hard to reach their successes and they won’t be undermined by anyone once they get there – even someone they love. They will, however, cherish the home you create for him – be that literally or figuratively. </p><p class="MsoNormal">A Taurus man may be slow to anger, but take cover once he does. Being supremely loyal himself, nothing makes him angrier than betrayal. If you choose to go there, you won’t be invited back. Good with money, your Taurus will spare no expense to keep you safe and happy – and as tactile as he is, he will leave no part of you untouched. A word of warning: this man is not interested in the ice princess, so don’t bother applying for the job if you’re not willing to light his fire. </p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">Gorgeous tips for the Taurus woman<o:p></o:p></i></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">We know it and you know it, so you might as well say it loud and clear: You are the earth nymphs. Like your male counterpart, you live to touch. Silks, cashmeres and pashimas should adorn you always. Lavish, yes. But you’re a master with money and you never rely on a man for the luxuries you need (and we mean <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">need</i>). Essentials like perfume, candles, castles - you’ll find a way to get all these yourself, thank you, without ever trading in your femininity to do so. </p><p class="MsoNormal">It’s not that you are a prima donna, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">exactly</i>, it’s just that in order for you to feel alive, you must be submerged in beauty. So don’t ever skimp on yourself, this will only make you sad. The Cubic Zirconium is your worst nightmare and you can smell a fake from a mile away. In fact, you can smell <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">anything</i> from a mile away. Your sense of smell is so advanced that if there were Rhode Scholarships for the Olfactory geniuses of the world, only the Taurus need apply. Perfume and scented creams are a must for you, and will bring out your most gorgeous happy mood. (Which, take it from those of us with Taurus women in our lives, is the only way you want a Taurus woman in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">yours</i>.) Go ahead and indulge, Miss Bull. It is for the greater good, after all.</p> <!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15729427447630732624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5636106982706555946.post-1898999750191022622009-03-22T21:09:00.000-07:002009-03-22T21:25:13.191-07:00Happy Birthday AriesAries March 20 – April 20<br /><br />Ruled by Mars<br /><br />If they were a spice, Aries would be Cayenne pepper. These people are hot! And Victory is their middle name. Hand them a problem and they’ll figure it out – especially if it garners them personal accolades along the way. Simply put, Aries have no patience for losers. Don’t get me wrong - they won’t kick you when you’re down. Quite the contrary - they’ll be the first one to pull you up. Aries are born leaders who just happen to like to win. They also like Tuesdays and the number 9. And looking at themselves in the mirror. Particularly when they’re wearing red, which they tend to do. A lot.<br /><br />Luckily, there is a way to keep these hot pepper people partially peaceful (sorry, it just came out this way). And here’s how: Take a giant step back and let them explode. Aries are as quick to simmer as they are to boil. By allowing them to meet their own needs first, they will then be ready to focus on others. Sound self-absorbed? Well it is. But this is how the Ram functions best and as long as you’re willing to wait for the eruption to pass, your devotion will be paid back in spades. An Aries will show you how to stand up for yourself because, frankly, they won’t hang around you very long if you can’t. So if you’re stuck with one, count your blessings; an Aries will give you plenty of opportunity to practice non-reaction. And this will set you up for untold riches in the future.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">If your Aries man<span style="font-style:italic;"></span></span> has had a bad day at work, let him tell you why as, uh, passionately as he needs to. Then ask him for a ride in his red Ferrari. It’s never a good idea to judge or belittle this man. Instead, just be there for him. Once he’s burned his bad mood out, he’ll be ready for a hug and, well - we don’t need to know what happens next. Always remember that under his flaming exterior, your Aries can be painfully insecure. Align yourself with him without clinging and he will be constantly excited by you. Letting him conquer you once in a while is a good idea too, and just might send off fireworks the likes of which you’ve never experienced before. Afterwards, ask him for another ride in his Ferrari. Trust us. And if you don’t, consider this: Marlon Brando, Russell Crowe and Warren Beatty are all Aries men.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Gorgeous tips for the Aries woman:</span><br /><br />There isn’t a helpless female amongst you, o Lady of the Fire. Your style is powerful, classic and sometimes even severe. Simple, straight silhouettes tell the world that you’re never one to wallow in self-pity. Why waste time sulking when there are so many organizations to run? Not just a mother, you're the CEO of the family unit – who won't <span style="font-style:italic;">ever</span> subscribe to the pj-all-day look. Red is your most active color, but for those of you who wish to tap into your softer side, pink will deliver – without smoldering your flame. And if black or white must be worn, red lingerie will keep your under-spirits burning bright. Remember, just because you’re one tough cookie, doesn’t make you any less love-able. You’re a gem. So when the right person comes along, let him in. You deserve it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15729427447630732624noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5636106982706555946.post-55458842188392134752009-03-19T19:54:00.000-07:002009-03-21T11:17:41.676-07:00Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award + Sarasvati<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_YmkPSKw0GBk/ScUc9uxuE2I/AAAAAAAAACA/dDIGTffKZj4/s1600-h/Sarasvati115.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_YmkPSKw0GBk/ScUc9uxuE2I/AAAAAAAAACA/dDIGTffKZj4/s200/Sarasvati115.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5315686782034908002" /></a><br /><div>Sarasvati. Ever heard of her? She's the Goddess of Art, Music and the Written Word. In the Hindu culture, she is believed to have taught man to write so as to pass along her songs of wisdom. She has four hands; one to play her vina instrument, one to hold her prayer beads, one to hold a pot of sacred water and one to hold the book containing all the knowledge of the world (wish they sold <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">that</span> on Amazon). </div><div><br /></div><div>My friend told me to place a picture of Sarasvati on top of my manuscript and ask for her help in getting it out to the world. What the heck, I decided. Anyone who can look that good with four arms has to know a thing or two. A few weeks later, my book <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Apron, 11</span></span>, made the quarterfinals of the <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award. </span>A coincidience? Maybe. Worth a shot anyway? Definitely.</div><div><br /></div><div>So for all of you artists out there, head to the web and find an image of Sarasvati. Place her in your office, studio, or maybe even on your forehead the next time you're in need of inspiration. That's what I'm going to do.</div><div><br /></div><div>And if you'd like to read the excerpt from <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Apron, 11</span></span>, go to amazon.com/abna and search for it. If I make the semi-finals, I'll be the one walking around with a cut-out of my newest friend and her four arms.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><div><br /></div></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15729427447630732624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5636106982706555946.post-79793013803912797382009-03-04T21:37:00.000-08:002009-03-04T21:40:16.304-08:00Gorgeous tips for the Pisces WomanPisces February 18th – March 20<br /><br />Ruled by Neptune<br /><br />A Pisces swims through life choosing the path of least resistance. This is, after all, the sign of the fish. Yes, there are those who will attempt to swim upstream and these are the dissenters – reminding us that not everyone strives to paint between the lines. But it’s the rare Pisces who hasn’t learned to swim (which is dangerous! See: swimfoundation.org for help) and even then, they will move through life gracefully. Make no mistake. Along with their shimmering gills, a Pisces’ aura glitters just as bright.<br /> <br />These people are sensitive and prone to quick sharp outbursts. Well-connected to the spiritual realms (whether they know it or not), Pisces will benefit by taking sea salt baths on a regular basis. Accumulating negative energies is taxing on any human, but for the Pisces whose survival depends on freedom, it can set them up for a late night dip into drug and alcohol abuse. Remember that the artist is also the escapist. Much better to keep cosmically clean and use their magnificent psychic gifts for healing themselves and the world. Which they can no doubt do. Just take a look at what Michelangelo, George Washington and Dr. Suess have done for us. <br /><br />Your Pisces man is sure to be intoxicating. He is both elusive and mysterious, which any girl knows make us weak at the knees. Whether he’s running healing centers or trust funds, he has the ability to charm the pants off of anyone (yes, we mean your pant(ie)s too) – so make sure his goals are lofty. Once he does profess his devotion to only you, don’t throw down the net. This man needs time alone to ponder the incoming tides. So let him loose once in a while. The way to keep a Pisces man most enchanted is not by acting needy or helpless, but by surprising him with exotic travels and romantic nights. <br />Gorgeous tips for the Pisces woman <br /><br />Aquamarine is the gemstone for you, our every-appealing Pisces. You are the original mystical mermaid, from whom all others followed. No dress is too sparkling, no make-up too bright. Unless you’re in your deep blue mood - in which case you’ll slide into your most comfy clothes to ponder the great illusions of the world. Greens and blues are the obvious choice of color, but don’t neglect the lavenders and golds. The oceans are filled with every color of the spectrum, and so too should you be. Accentuate your curves with tight belts and tall heels. Layering longer hair or accessorizing short, will reflect the graceful flow that is inherently yours. Lead us into the bountiful and boundless future we see on the horizon, we’re ready to follow.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15729427447630732624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5636106982706555946.post-83498548880184806882007-10-11T12:08:00.000-07:002007-10-11T12:15:55.442-07:00Fall ClearanceFall Clearances are everywhere. If you’re a big fan of retail therapy, as am I, this is great news. But there’s another kind of Fall Clearance that offers big rewards with an even smaller price tag. This is the energy-busting kind. Autumn is the time of year when energy becomes denser and less mobile. In other words, it’s the time of year when things begin to get stuck. <br /><br />Time for a space clearing. <br /><br />There are a number of ways to do this. Sea salt (not table salt) is like a magnet for the yucky vibe. A bowl of sea salt in the middle of a room, and/or in the four corners of a bigger room, will absorb any negative energy. Leave in place for twenty-four hours, upon which time the salt must be collected and disposed of. Never pour the salt down a drain or toilet, however. The unwanted energy will be released into your plumbing - and your plumbing reflects your prosperity. It’s best to throw the “used” salt into the ocean where it will be instantly restored to its former self. Of course this is not possible for the majority of us, so the next best thing is to secure the salt in a biodegradable bag (like paper) and dispose of it in the trash. <br /><br />Another widely used technique for space clearing is with burning sage. This is a dried herb, usually in a small branch, that when lit, draws out the denser energies and disintegrates them within the smoke. The scent it potent, however, so if you don’t want your space to smell like a Grateful Dead concert, this technique may not be for you. I had to warn my neighbors that I was not a delinquent mother of three, just into space clearing. I still don’t think they believe me.<br /><br />A third way to clear space is with rubbing alcohol, sea salt and fire. This is as dangerous as it sounds. And should not be attempted with small children, pets, or loose hair in the room. With a Pyrex bowl on top of a trivet or metal cookie sheet, fill container with one to two inches of sea salt. Pour rubbing alcohol over the salt until it is saturated. Then with great caution - and curtains and hair out of the way – light a match (do not use a lighter) and drop it into the bowl. A small puff of flame will ignite, drawing in and burning up the negative energy of the room. If possible, close the windows and doors as well. It may take 2-5 minutes for the flame to die out – never leave the fire unattended – after which time the Pyrex bowl will be very hot, as will the burned-out salt. Wait until everything has cooled before disposing of the salt mixture as mentioned above (in a biodegradable bag, straight out to your trash.) <br /><br />All three of these space-clearing techniques will work to shift and lighten the energy of a room. So if you’re looking for a Fall Clearance, without clearing your wallet, try one of them. Then we can get ready to hunker down for the Winter ahead.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15729427447630732624noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5636106982706555946.post-44143822557663948022007-09-12T10:23:00.000-07:002007-09-12T15:34:25.829-07:00The B Spot<a href="http://bp2.blogger.com/_YmkPSKw0GBk/Rugn9byT2uI/AAAAAAAAABY/HN6FV8-tRzA/s1600-h/photo_48_hires.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://bp2.blogger.com/_YmkPSKw0GBk/Rugn9byT2uI/AAAAAAAAABY/HN6FV8-tRzA/s200/photo_48_hires.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5109377713636104930" /></a><br />The B spot.<br /><br />Women have one. Men have one. Anyone who sleeps in a bed has one. <br />The B spot is the wall space above and behind your bed. And it speaks volumes about you. <br /> My friend, Heather, a fellow Feng Shui junkie, received a frantic call from a wealthy, charming, successful, gorgeous guy. Said Hot Guy was having a dry spell. Women had stopped calling, and falling for him. <br /> “Tell me. What’s in your B Spot?” Heather asked.<br /> “My what?”<br /> “Look. I’m not going to kid you. It’s a brutal way to find out you’ve been sabotaging yourself. But you need to tell me what kind of artwork, if any, is hanging above your bed. And you need to do it now.”<br /> It was a picture of a landscape. A peaceful, soothing field of grass. Squared nicely on the wall above his bed.<br /> “Perfect. You’re attracting a peaceful, soothing energy, devoid of all human contact for as far as the eye can see. And you're wondering how powerful the B Spot can be?”<br /><br /> Time for a Remedy.<br /><br /> What Hot Guy needed was a Geisha Girl in his B spot. And fewer than a few outings later, Hot Guy was once again, hot. He wasn’t looking for a committed relationship any more than he was looking for an empty landscape in between his sheets. He was looking for women to heat up his Hotness. Lots of women. Lots of women whose goal was to please. Say what you will, but that’s what he wanted.<br /> A Geisha Girl, or any other female representing consensual co-heated mingling, placed above your bed, will draw to you just that. This works equally as well for women looking to co-heat with another woman. Men interested in men can follow the same protocol here. You get the drift. <br /> A few months later, Hot Guy called Heather again. He’d met the woman of his dreams and wanted to settle down with her. “Geisha Girl’s gotta’ go,” my friend advised. Because what Geisha Girl represented no longer reflected Hot Guy’s desires. Instead, he now needed something that represented partnership above his bed. Two naked people would work, but so would two birds, or two turtles - whatever it is that represents monogamous coupling. Two dollars might work, but if your goal is to draw in more money, you might want to make it two billions dollars, or any other auspicious money sign (like the number Eight or Eight Chinese coins), instead. Likewise, if your teenage brother’s picture of Marisa Miller in a bikini above his bed speaks to you, by all means take that out for a spin and see what gets activated. <br /><br /> Remember, your house reflects you. Your artwork reflects you. And your B spot reflects you, the most. <br /><br /> It’s brutal. We're not going to kid you. But you need to address your B spot. And if you’re yearning for something that is missing in your life, you need to do it now. <br /><br /> Above my bed is a frame with eleven muscles glued inside it. Not the kind you use to do push-ups with, but the kind that come from the sea, and without the slimy things inside. I had it made by an artist I know and admire, because my own Hot Guy liked what he saw in the artist's gallery. There are eleven shells, for what was our eleventh anniversary. In my own B spot awakening, I admit that at first, I had no idea what this piece of artwork said about us. The shells are glued on nice and tight, have weathered a few tides, and are still hanging together after all this time. Which, on second thought... <br /><br /> Go on. Find your B spot. Then activate it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15729427447630732624noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5636106982706555946.post-35799693868790866622007-08-08T12:20:00.001-07:002007-08-08T18:43:35.056-07:0008.08.0808.08.08<br /><br />Most of us probably don’t reflect much on the meaning of numbers. I’m not talking about the amount, the sum or even their line-up; I am talking about the personality behind each number.<br /><br />Yes, personality.<br /><br />The Chinese have chosen the date 08.08.08 as the opening day of the Olympics in Beijing next summer. Random? Coincidence? Come on, people. This is the same civilization that won’t use knives or scissors on New Year's Day (cuts off fortune), or clip toenails or fingernails at night (the person will be visited by a ghost). Nothing is random. Not even numbers.<br /><br />Deriving from the same I Ching that Feng Shui principles are based upon, the Chinese believe each number carries with it a specific energy. Similar to how the five elements (Wind, Water, Fire, Earth, Metal) can be used to balance a space, numbers can also be used to improve an environment. In this system, called Numerology, numbers are not only for calculating and counting, they explain and predict as well. <br /><br />In other words, some numbers are “lucky” while others, sadly, are not.<br /><br />Numerology was originally formed by the pronunciation of the numbers themselves. For example, the Chinese word for “one” sounds much like the word “honor” and carries the attributes of stillness and strength. The word “two” is similar in pronunciation to the word “sure” meaning steadfast and symmetry. And the word “three” sounds like “growth” which translates into abundance. <br /><br />Unfortunately, the Chinese word for “four” sounds like the word “death”. So unless you own a funeral home with the number 4 in the address, or you stand to inherit great sums of money from the contents of a safe deposit box numbered 4, death pretty much implies “unlucky.” 13’s unfortunate reputation has the 4 to thank. In Numerology, all single digits are added together to determine their base meaning, which when done with 13 becomes a 4. (1+3 = 4). Had the Chinese word for “four” translated into “great sex” instead, it might be standard for every hotel to have an entire elevator board full of 13th floors. As it stands now, many hotels skip this “unlucky” étage all together.<br /><br />The word “Five” represents balance as it is associated with the Five Elements. “Six” sounds like “wealth” and carries abundance. “Seven” sounds like the Cantonese word for “sure” and is associated with easy happiness. The pronunciation of the number “eight” resembles the word “multiply” and is considered to bring prosperity and fertility. Which means if your husband/boyfriend/significant other’s roomy backseat has a license plate with the number eight in it, you might want to get a room instead (making sure, of course, to avoid the 13th floor). Finally, “Nine” sounds like the words “long life” which to most of us implies happiness and fulfillment. Hopefully yours does.<br /><br />Sometimes things are confusing in Feng Shui, and sometimes they are just plain synchronistic. When I started this entry, I hadn’t thought much about the address of the house I am living in. It is my parent’s house where we are lucky enough to spend the summer. And it is 4 house. 4 Something Lane, to be exact. (Had the address been 22 Something Lane, it would be very auspicious. 11, 22, and 33 can never be reduced and are all fortunate numbers). This house, however, represents death. <br /><br />Time for a remedy.<br /><br />If your house/apartment/dorm room is the number 4 don’t panic. (I threw up, but that’s because really, what were the chances of this?) Instead, take a red pen and circle the number 4 on your house/apartment/dorm room door. Alternatively, you can use the pen to make a red dot on either side of the number (I did both). Either remedy works to burn off the unluckiness of the number 4. If your address includes a 4 - 147 Something Street for example, its overall effect is much less harmful and doesn’t need a remedy at all. <br /><br />Human personalities can be studied with Numerology as well. In fact, according to this system our characters were set before our last limb left the womb. The only information required is your birthday. I was born June 30th 19.., on second thought I can’t remember my birthday so I will use my friend’s, that is to say, yours. You might have been born 10/26/1979: 1+0=1 +2 =3 +6=9 +1=10 which =1 +9=10 which =1 (again) +7= 8 +9 =17, which when added together = 8. This means if your birthday is October 26, 1979, you are an 8 and should play the lotto often and buy things for your friends, even those you have never met before. <br /><br />So what does this mean for those of us whose birthday adds up to a 4? Tattoo red dots on either side of our nose? No. Fortunately, a kinder set of rules apply to birthdates. Once you have reduced your birthday to the lowest denominator find your number below:<br /><br />One - Correlates to independence, but can lead to isolation.<br />Two - Represents double possibilities and partnership, but can lead to co-dependence.<br />Three - Attracts enthusiasm, which can lead to impatience if not careful.<br />Four - Stability, but can turn into stubbornness.<br />Five - Carries excitement, which can result in restlessness.<br />Six - Affiliated with nurturing. Be mindful not to turn into martyrdom.<br />Seven - Associated with spirituality, but can lead to pessimism if too materialistic.<br />Eight - Prosperity comes easily, but can turn into selfishness if not careful. <br />Nine - Hopeful and idealistic, but can become self-centered.<br /><br />Unlike an environmental space, there are no physical remedies to thwart the negative side of each number (you could go ahead and try the red dots on either side of your nose though, and let me know what transpires). Insight, however, can go a long way into identifying and repairing negative personality traits, whether this is your own or your mother-in-law’s. Think of Numerology as a new prescription for reading glasses. Begin to take note of the people in your life and their personality numbers. It might just give you 20/20. (Don’t mind the fact that this adds up to 4).Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15729427447630732624noreply@blogger.com2