Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The B Spot

The B spot.

Women have one. Men have one. Anyone who sleeps in a bed has one.
The B spot is the wall space above and behind your bed. And it speaks volumes about you.
My friend, Heather, a fellow Feng Shui junkie, received a frantic call from a wealthy, charming, successful, gorgeous guy. Said Hot Guy was having a dry spell. Women had stopped calling, and falling for him.
“Tell me. What’s in your B Spot?” Heather asked.
“My what?”
“Look. I’m not going to kid you. It’s a brutal way to find out you’ve been sabotaging yourself. But you need to tell me what kind of artwork, if any, is hanging above your bed. And you need to do it now.”
It was a picture of a landscape. A peaceful, soothing field of grass. Squared nicely on the wall above his bed.
“Perfect. You’re attracting a peaceful, soothing energy, devoid of all human contact for as far as the eye can see. And you're wondering how powerful the B Spot can be?”

Time for a Remedy.

What Hot Guy needed was a Geisha Girl in his B spot. And fewer than a few outings later, Hot Guy was once again, hot. He wasn’t looking for a committed relationship any more than he was looking for an empty landscape in between his sheets. He was looking for women to heat up his Hotness. Lots of women. Lots of women whose goal was to please. Say what you will, but that’s what he wanted.
A Geisha Girl, or any other female representing consensual co-heated mingling, placed above your bed, will draw to you just that. This works equally as well for women looking to co-heat with another woman. Men interested in men can follow the same protocol here. You get the drift.
A few months later, Hot Guy called Heather again. He’d met the woman of his dreams and wanted to settle down with her. “Geisha Girl’s gotta’ go,” my friend advised. Because what Geisha Girl represented no longer reflected Hot Guy’s desires. Instead, he now needed something that represented partnership above his bed. Two naked people would work, but so would two birds, or two turtles - whatever it is that represents monogamous coupling. Two dollars might work, but if your goal is to draw in more money, you might want to make it two billions dollars, or any other auspicious money sign (like the number Eight or Eight Chinese coins), instead. Likewise, if your teenage brother’s picture of Marisa Miller in a bikini above his bed speaks to you, by all means take that out for a spin and see what gets activated.

Remember, your house reflects you. Your artwork reflects you. And your B spot reflects you, the most.

It’s brutal. We're not going to kid you. But you need to address your B spot. And if you’re yearning for something that is missing in your life, you need to do it now.

Above my bed is a frame with eleven muscles glued inside it. Not the kind you use to do push-ups with, but the kind that come from the sea, and without the slimy things inside. I had it made by an artist I know and admire, because my own Hot Guy liked what he saw in the artist's gallery. There are eleven shells, for what was our eleventh anniversary. In my own B spot awakening, I admit that at first, I had no idea what this piece of artwork said about us. The shells are glued on nice and tight, have weathered a few tides, and are still hanging together after all this time. Which, on second thought...

Go on. Find your B spot. Then activate it.